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A Post Entitled My member of congress seriously displeases me

∞ posted 1 month ago contains 1 note and reblogged from josoki

josoki:

I received the following email from my congressperson’s office because I have previously sent it emails opposing nearly everything my so-called representative appears to be working for.

Dear Friends,

On September [the] 8th the Executive Order requiring federal contractors to use E-Verify went into effect. E-Verify is the only tool available to employers to check the legal status of newly hired employees.  It’s free to employers, easy to use and 99.6% accurate. …

Since first coming to Congress, I’ve been working to cut off the job magnet that draws people to the U.S. illegally.  The federal contractors rule is yet another step towards mandatory employment verification which is a vital component - along with physical fencing, robust interior enforcement, and ending public-funded benefits to illegal immigrants - to truly gaining control of our borders.

Sincerely,
...
Member of Congress

Arranged according to the order in which it occurred, please enjoy the following catalogue of displeasure I have suffered as a result of reading the above e-mail.

Displeasure Number One: Faulty syntax. “8th” is an ordinal number and requires an article. If you’re going to e-mail your constituents to brag about your work in Congress, make whoever wrote it have an intern proofread the text before it’s sent out.

Displeasure Number Two: My congressperson is bragging about passing legislation I completely disagree with.

Displeasure Number Three: The logic behind making a distinction between legal and illegal people in the States. For those who may be unfamiliar with this shining example of the human capacity for reason, it goes like this, “Let’s completely ignore the fact that the U.S. is the way it is because the majority of its population, somewhere along the line, immigrated from Britain and Western Europe and Eastern Europe and Asia and South America and oh hell everywhere because new immigrants are totally stealing jobs from real Americans.” This line of reasoning is also called, “I was here first,” and is often used to settle disputes over favored back-row seats among elementary and middle school students.

Displeasure Number Four: I am forced to praise my member of congress for excellence in ignoring things, especially unpleasant things. For example,

• The country has gone down the tubes because money people couldn’t pay back on inflated home loans worked its way up through the system, brought every major financial institution to its knees, and then worked its way back down and pushed people out of their homes and jobs.
• The administration is escalating the war in Afghanistan (you forgot the U.S. is still in Afghanistan, didn’t you?).
• The Iraq exit plan is self-sabotaging at best.
• Drone strikes in Pakistan have probably/definitely killed innocent civilians.

My congressperson must be ignoring these things; why else would he/she/it send a self-important e-mail ensuring me that the days of illegal immigrants washing dishes or cutting grass for the federal government are numbered?

Displeasure Number Five: Aha! It’s because my congressperson is functioning according to the ideology that caused most of these problems in the first place, the idea ”that America is the “indispensable nation,” with the right to intervene in countries around the world—that it’s somehow an honest broker, and unique in its ability to solve the problems of the world.” My congressperson does not perceive U.S. presence in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan to be an exercise in poor judgment. Rather, it is evidence of America’s greatness.

Displeasure Number Six: My congressperson is an idiot.

Displeasure Number Seven: I was going to watch some Ranma 1/2 this evening, but I wrote this instead.